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October 14, 2007

THE NEED TO REMEMBER

From Timothy Tuttle, Hoboken, N.J., responding to an e-mail (previously posted here) from Renee Birenbaum, Tufts University…

CLICK HERE FOR RENEE'S ORIGINAL E-MAIL

CLICK HERE FOR TOM'S WIFE BARBARA'S ORIGINAL E-MAIL

"Hi Renee-

“I read your email on David's website and was very impressed at how thoughtful it was. I understand your feelings entirely. But it's pretty tough territory. On one hand there are folks who want to ‘one up’ the 9/11 story and on the other hand there are really tragic stories of despair, hope, pain and remembrance. The stories are important at some level. Inside many of them are the foundations on which the healing processes for each individual are being built.

My name is Tim Tuttle and I live in Hoboken, New Jersey, and work directly across from Ground Zero in New York City. I had worked in both the North and South Towers for several years prior to 9/11. Like your father I was on the last Path train into NYC that tragic day. Although I was across the street and witnessed both towers being hit and their ultimate collapse, at least I was not upstairs like many of my friends.

“Unfortunately, I witnessed many people not only falling from the buildings but I saw many jumping as well—and they were coming out of the 105th floor where I had visited only a couple weeks prior. Some were certainly people I knew well. I was 3 blocks away when the South Tower fell – I had just begun to run. I should have left earlier but I couldn't move -- I was glued to the site just off Greenwich Street where I continued to think I could somehow help my friends. A few of them I had spoken with that morning. All hell broke lose and the world changed forever -- well at least for me. Perhaps you as well.

“Many of my friends and co-workers who survived that day cannot or will not speak about 9/11. In some cases they feel it's too personal -- in others they just prefer to go on living the best they can. For others the best therapy seems to be to remember old buddies over a beer in one of the local pubs just around the corner from GZ. We all have different methods. Many of us have lost friends and family since the tragedy -- compounding our grief somewhat. Two of my good friends who helped me get through 9/11 have since passed away. Both in their thirties. Far too young.

“I have all kinds of stories about friends lost and folks I know who just barely made it. Crazy stuff. Terrifying. A guy who was late because of Monday Night Football (the Giants lost to the Broncos out in Denver the night before). A guy who was fired on Monday. A woman who was back to work for the first day after taking off three months for maternity leave. The last guy out of the North Tower – seconds before it came down -- blown across the street. The tragic and insanely lucky list goes on and on.

“Most of us had no idea what was happening that day amidst all the horror and confusion -- it was pure pandemonium. Two of my friends lost their entire trading group as they headed to work from the airport that morning. They were the lone survivors of a 60 person team. But they continue living -- working and raising families with a boatload of memories.

“Your email was excellent and it asks a very important question. Yes, many folks have put themselves into the tragedy that day. It seems that everyone has a story about where they were and what they saw. Some are very real -- I think some are purely fantasy personally. But everyone has a story for certain -- many need to have a story to help the healing process. For some maybe it is a badge of courage. I can tell you personally that I wish I hadn't been there. And I'm not certain sometimes if watching it on TV really was the same as being down there -- maybe it was -- maybe it doesn't really matter. Then again there is tragedy occurring all over this wonderful (sometimes not always) world. And there are a million stories with each event. The stories change from each viewer and each survivor. They can relate those stories if they like, I guess -- if they feel the need to express it. We used to speak of 9/11 a lot more initially after the event at my office -- it has since lessened. I'm not certain that is good, personally. I don't want anyone to forget.

“My answer -- or therapy -- was to create Music From Ground Zero. It is my attempt to honor all the victims and heroes that day. I couldn't really express my grief and my anguish properly through words so I moved towards music. I play near Ground Zero each year on 9/11 and raise money for charity. It hasn't really helped with closure but it has helped me keep alive the memory of 9/11 for a few folks – and perhaps it does something to honor my friends at the same time. We all have our different ways to release -- and to accept. People who attend the shows each year feel it's very special -- very moving. To me it's a necessary therapy. I've watched far too many important American holidays and special event remembrances turn into unrelated days off from work or Macy Day sales. I also communicate with school kids down in Georgia who wanted to know more about 9/11 and how my music evolved from the ashes. I hope I am explaining something important to them.

“The other night I was hanging out with a friend and his Grandmother. A really sweet lady. We were speaking about 9/11 and she was very interested in what I had seen that horrible day. She listened intently until I finished, with tears in her eyes. She the told me ‘Young man, I was at Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941 and here's what I saw.. .’ It was truly amazing and inspiring--not to mention wildly interesting.

“To be honest I'm not exactly certain why. A 90-year-old survivor of another tragic American event. And her story was real and mind-blowing. It was history and tragedy coming together and reminding me that in this big cruel world there is hope and possibility. Thankfully she made it through that terrible day (but only just barely -- she was shot at by Japanese Zeros from about 300 feet above--machine gun bullets whizzing within feet of her). It was quite an incredible story. Then she lit up a cigarette and looked off -- thoroughly reliving her past. I didn't think I should warn her against the hazards of smoking at this stage in the game.

“You are a very thoughtful young woman and a gifted writer. Your email was wonderful and shed light on a true problem of ‘post-9/11.’ I wish you continued success in the future.”

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