January 23, 2010

CUPERTINO, CALIFORNIA – On the eve of Apple’s January 27 press conference – at which the company will roll out its long-awaited e-reading device – a reliable Silicon Valley source has leaked a pilfered list of ad campaigns that Apple executives have soundly rejected over the past year. The document, excerpted below, details names and slogans that never quite made the grade.

Apple Tablet. (Take Two…and Call Tech-Support in the Morning.)

Apple Tableau. (The Apple Tablet, Turned Horizontally.)

Apple Shaft. (You Read It, We Profit.)

Apple Monolith. (Thus Sprach Steve.)

Apple Trapezoid. (Makes All the Others Look Square.)

Apple Slab. (Reading -- As American as Apple Pie.)

Apple Slate. (Fred Flintstone’s Boss Swears By It.)

Apple Sliver. (Your Slice of Wisdom.)

Apple Headstone. (Read In Peace.)

Apple Plaque. (Read, Brush, Rinse.)

Apple Pane. (We Don’t Do Windows.)

Apple Hype. (Transfixing Tech and Media Writers Since 1976.)